You are a member of the “Louie-Louie” generation if “Louie-Louie” is a song that has been playing somewhere in the back of your head since you first heard it all those years ago. “Louie-Louie” was written in 1956 by Richard Berry, a second rate west coast R&B singer. It was originally about a lonely sailor telling his story to a bartender whose name was Louie. (In this blog and PodCast, he is known as “Big Louie”… his big bad self…our main man.)
The Kingsmen recorded the hit version of the song in 1963 as an audition to get work on a cruise ship. They didn’t get the gig, but the record began to get radio play. But there was a problem.There’s just no way anybody could understand what the hell Jack Ely, the lead singer is saying…so the rumor got started that the lyrics were dirty. Naturally, the “Forces For Good In The Community,”(F.F.G. I.T.C.)including the Governor of Indiana, were morally outraged. The FCC got involved. The Feds tried as hard as they could to figure out what the words really are. They even tried playing the record at different speeds. Finally, they gave up and said “we just can’t understand it.”
And that did it.Every guy I knew all of a sudden had a typewritten copy of the “Official Lyrics” tucked in right beside that “trojan” in his wallet. In an unofficial survey that I conducted at the time, no two copies of the “Official Lyrics” were ever the same. The song zipped up the charts to number two and stayed there for six weeks.
ONLY NUMBER TWO ! John Belushi’s ultimate Raunchy Party Anthem…The Lustful Lyric of “Animal House”…the rowdy soundtrack of our youth…never made it to Number one.
“Louie-Louie” was…and still is…”hot.” It’s sexy, it has “tude,” and it’s right in your face. It became a hit during the age when radio was also, in Marshall McLuhan’s terms…”hot.” McLuhan said radio is “hot” and television is “cool.” He was referring to the emotional impact of radio as opposed to television…and he was right. I’ve done my share of national radio and television commercials, and until fairly recently the voice overs for radio commercials always had more sex, “‘tude,” and “in your face” than the ones for television commercials. Radio was “hot.” It had us sweating and sexing “under the boardwalk.” Tv was “Kool.” It had us dozing in the air conditioning. These days “Broadband” and the F.F.G.I.T.C. are killing tv, and radio is being buried by Ipods and boredom.”Louie-Louie” wouldn’t make it in today’s radio. It just wouldn’t fit.
Like the radio of its day, “Louie” got people hot and bothered. It was fun, and because we all thought it was dirty, it was sexy fun. Through the entire history of America, The “Forces For Good In The Community” (F.F.G.I.T.C.) have always been nervous about letting us think that sex should be fun. And “Louie-Louie” really set them off. The “F.F.G.I.T.C.” started collecting rock and roll records for public smashing…very much like Hitler collected books for burning just a few decades before.
And then those F.F.G.I.T.C. hypocrites came up with a smug, brilliant, ugly public relations move. They started connecting sex with violence at every opportunity…as in “Sex and Violence in the media is corrupting our society, putting our children at risk, and threatening the sacred foundation of marriage.” Sex and violence…two completely opposite activities that have nothing to do with each other…have now become almost the same word…”sexandviolence.”Just for the record…violence is about hurting people. Sex is about intimacy…or in the words of “Big Louie…his own bad self”… “Sex is about smiles.”
I told you that I got into radio for the same reason most of the other guys I knew in those days got into radio…to get girls. Call me a pervert, but I always liked girls…and women. And I loved the idea of being on the air in the middle of the night in bed with literally millions of women…well…at least my voice was in bed with them. All kidding aside, it was a beautiful, strong, intimate experience for me. The key word is intimate. And I just found out you can’t be intimate on the radio anymore. I found that out when I recently tried to buy a few late night commercials to promote the Personal Audio CDs.
I did the all night show on the station involved for a number of years. So I was really surprised when the commercials were turned down. I called the Program Director…a guy I’ve known and respected for a long time…to ask him why I couldn’t buy time for my CDs on his station. He was away from his desk, but his voice mail said “my call is important to him,” so I left my name and number. He called back, and he very politely apologized for not being there when I called. He said he was giving a lecture at a local college. I asked him what was his subject. There was a pause, and he said, “I was speaking on the need for more emotional intimacy in radio.” I said, “sounds good to me.” Then I asked why my commercials had been turned down. Another pause, and he said, “the Continuity Director said they were too…intimate.” You can’t make this stuff up. I said, “does that mean they’re dirty ?” His answer was… “no…she just said they’re too intimate.” I said the only thing left to say. I said… “Kool.”
Big Louie…his own big bad self…would have just smiled sadly and bought a round for old times sake…for everybody still sweating and sexing under the boardwalk…and it would have been on the house.
Dick’s Details Quiz. (The answers are all in the current PodCast at www.dicksummer.com )
1- Why did the cops stop the guy who had all those ladies’ panties in his car ?
2- What do pandas and singles bars have in common. 3- What’s the WORST thing a woman can say to a man. Prizes:
3 right - An hour under the boardwalk with someone who is only semi-good.
2 right - An hour long record hop with really raunchy rock and roll.
1 right - An hour long black and white video of American Bandstand.
0 right - An hour long sermon from your local F.F.G.I.T.C.
A fun bit came in from Proud PodCast Participant Jim King. I liked it and I asked him if I could pass it along to you, and he said:
Hi Dick,Sure, feel free. My Friend Rich, who lives in Abington, sent it to meoriginally. Got to know him when he managed the Brigham’s ice cream shophere in Wellesley Hills. Great ice cream!!! It’s right next to where I work,Eaton Apothecary.
Here’s the bit:
FOUR places I have lived: Medway; Springfield, MA; Truro; Wellesley
FOUR of my favorite foods: chicken, fish, ice cream, veggies
FOUR places I would rather be: Italy, England, Cape Cod, San Diego
FOUR people I think will respond: Nancy, Dick, Lee, Rich
Here’s what you’re supposed to do…and please do not spoil the fun. Copy this, change the answers to your own answers, and send it to every one you know…asking everybody to send it to everyone they know including you.
For the record…Here are my “official” Dick Summer Connection answers:
4 Places I’ve lived: Brooklyn, Boston, Chicago, Indianapolis.
4 Favorite foods: tuna salad, salmon, steak, oatmeal. (Honest.With lots of raisins.)
4 Places I’d rather be: nowhere else, Ebbets Field, Santa Barbara, Maui
4 People I think will respond: Dick, Dave, Barb, Eric.
Now it’s your turn. (My Email is dick@dicksummer.com ) ps- a very strange coincidence about the commercials for the Personal Audio cds being turned down by the Continuity Director at that radio station…most of the “Lovin Touch” material was written about my relationship with my lady Wonder Wench. I met her at that radio station. She was the Continuity Director.
Last week’s Toy Boy PodCast struck home. Lots of E-mails about favorite toys. Proud PodCast Participant “R.J.S.” said, “I had a push pedal toy airplane. All the other kids had push pedal cars, but I had a push pedal airplane with wings and a propeller that went around when I peddled.” Good for you “R.J.S.”. If I ever get the wings put back on it, I’ll have a real airplane again, and I hope to hell the propeller still goes around on it like it did before that idiot in the SUV hit it.
“Harry The Hat” said, “I just got a box of flat top golf tees. They’re for friends who are always mooching tees from you. The tops are flat and angled so you can’t tee up the ball.” Harry, that’s pretty good, but if I were a golfer, I’d have some fake golf balls made of compressed talc to lend to the other guys. When they hit it, it would explode. That’s the Toy Boy Touch.
“PodCast Pete” said, “I had the coolest electric train set in the world. It was HO Gauge, so it had only two rails, and I had ten switches and two bridges, and a train station built into a hill. Ha…Pete. I had the BMT Subway in Brooklyn. A zillion switches, fifty bridges, and seven hundred stations, complete with winos, blind accordion players and guys with shifty eyes selling knock-off watches. Thank you for your E-mails, but regardless of your feeble attempts to unseat me…. I AM STILL TOY BOY.And Toy Boy lives in the suburbs of Louie-Louie Heaven. I don’t live right downtown, because the only one allowed to live in the actual downtown part of heaven is Big Louie His Own Bad Self. But these suburbs are good too…not perfect…but really good. Here’s what I mean. My sexy Lady Wonder Wench came home this evening….now if this were downtown heaven, that would be the end of the sentence because I wouldn’t show you the rest. But this is just the imperfect suburbs, so here’s the rest of the sentence: My sexy Lady Wonder Wench came home this evening…and she said, “I’ve really had it all the way up to here with all the idiots out there…I’m so glad to be home…LEAVE ME ALONE.”
It is at times like these when grown up, sophisticated, Louie-Louie Generation guys fall back on the wisdom and trickery for which we are so well known. The wisdom part was easy in this case. Wonder Wench is a very sexy lady and could at any moment take off and marry Donald Trump or Clint Eastwood if she wanted to. So I was very glad she was glad to be home.
The trickery part was a little harder…but I think I got it worked out pretty well by developing “Summer’s Semi Sleazies.” (Details in the current PodCast.) Young guys can’t come up with coping mechanisms like the good ol’ “Sleazies” simply because they haven’t had time to develop enough sleaze. Louie-Louie guys are living proof that getting older is not all good, but it’s not all bad either.
It’s true that time is flying past, but it’s also true that I can cope with time flying because I’m a pilot. Literally…with a license and a little plane…assuming we get her put back together. We live in a nice house in a friendly neighborhood, except for Steve up the block who is a dedicated pain in the ass. We have great kids. Wonder Wench has a horse. I have a day job that I really love…and on the side, I produce my story CDs and even sell a few. I had a career in radio that I’m proud of, and another as a Hypnotherapist in which I also did ok…so no complaints to Big Louie are due .
Of course, time flies and it takes your body with it…but with me at least, it has been one piece at a time…and so far it’s saving the important stuff for last. I think lots of how your body works depends on where your head is at.
However…as I said… this is the OUTSKIRTS of heaven…the suburbs… so little imperfections do exist. When Wonder Wench came home, she said…”leave me alone.” I think she was giving me some kind of hint. I am not good at hints. No guys are good at hints…even grown up, sophisticated, Louie-Louie Generation guys.
My buddy Al missed a hint a number of years ago, and that developed into a full fledged lovers quarrel, because he didn’t understand the hint. The hint was that she said nothing…for about a week. Why do women say nothing? Why don’t they say things like let’s go to bed and have sex? They don’t. They say nothing. Sometimes for a week. Al, of course, had no idea she was upset until all of a sudden he noticed that she was hurling all his possessions out the window and screaming something in Peruvian. One of his golf clubs and a couple of plates hit a passing pedestrian, sending him to a hospital…which is why to this day Al says it’s a good thing when you’re living with a young Peruvian woman to get a ground floor apartment furnished with light weight, easy to hurl plastic plates and bean bag couches.
You live and learn. I have become better than Al at taking hints. I realize, for example, that the words “leave me alone” mean it is probably not the time to suggest that my Lady Wonder Wench try on the little stringy black see-through thing I just bought her from the Victoria’s Secret catalogue. I did that once, and the conversation turned quite quickly to the possibility of a do-it-yourself removal of organs to which I have become quite accustomed. As I said, this is only the outskirts of Big Louie’s heaven.
By the way, have you ever noticed that none of the girls in the Victoria’s Secret catalogue seem to be saying “leave me alone”?..but I’ll bet that one of Victoria’s best kept secrets is that they all have done so…probably on more than one occasion.
Without reducing this to the level of Hustler Magazine…it has always seemed to me that one of natures’ jokes on guys is that ladies’ private parts are so well…hidden. It’s like nature has given us this life long giant game of hide and seek. Their private parts are all inside…which seems to me is where private parts belong. Women don’t even say “private parts.” All they say is, “down there.” Our private parts are all hanging out…and they are totally out of control. The only time we say “down there” is when the Viagra kicks in and she’s still in the bathroom fixing her hair. And under those circumstances, “down there” has a whole different meaning.
And science is absolutely no help with this problem. Scientists say that sex is all about passing along our genes…that’s why we have sex. They say women look for guys who will protect them and their children, and we look for women who will have fine, healthy kids.
BS. In my experience, women look for rich rock stars, and men look for nymphomaniacs who are on the pill. But we usually settle for the best we can get. And pretty often…that’s pretty good.
As I said…Big Louie isn’t going to hear any complaints from me.
Dick’s Details Quiz - All answers are available in the current PodCast at www.DickSummer.com
1- What happens when you lift the seat on a toilet equipped with the new WC Ghost ?
2- Why is it probably better not to bring your jumentous with you on a date ?
3- What good is banging your head against a wall ?
Scoring:
3 right - Louie-Louie Heavenly Suburb.
2 right - New York City.
1 right - Santa Barbara, California.
0 right - Jersey City, N.J.
Thank you for jumping in on the Dick Summer Connection. Hope you’ll also click on the Good Night PodCast. Would love to hear from you… unless you are Donald Trump or Clint Eastwood. Both of you guys… just keep your hands off Wonder Wench. My E-mail address is dick@dicksummer.com
