*** LISTEN *** A TYPICAL MONDAY MORNING IN HYANNIS… DRUNKS… MENTAL...

HYANNIS – [HN NOTES & MULLINGS ON THE MATTER] – Because I’m just one-person operating Hyannis News, fulltime, year-round, 24/7… and because of time constraints associated with news gathering, editing, fact-checking, spell-checking and all that wonderful stuff, HN typically can only show its readers a very small fraction of what actually happens here locally on a daily basis. In other words, HN sees, notes and documents much more than is humanly possible for one guy to possibly publish and share.

To do Hyannis News the way it has been done – and remain free for the readers – it takes long hours of monitoring radio transmissions across a wide array of regional frequencies, generally using 6 to 7 different radios, in an effort to fully cover the region.

In the “normal” news world, the effective monitoring of a region is generally a 24-hour, chaotic and virtually impossible, operation for an entire bustling newsroom of reporters and photojournalist. And yet, HN attempts to cover this region with just one photojournalist (little old me), a few cameras, an angry dog and a pocket full of rosary beads…

… and it’s a good thing I really don’t have a life, aside from all this. Attempting the impossible, like some sap. LOL… I’m sorry, sometimes I need to laugh at the absurdity of this sort of “life.”

I don’t know why, but once and a while, some dope pisses me off by saying something like, “Hey man, it must have been a really slow news day because I see you didn’t report anything today…” or “Hey man, have you ever thought of reporting on some good news for a change, like when it’s slow, like it was yesterday, man…” or “Dude, you must have a buttload of free time, especially when it’s slow… have you ever thought of covering some of the arts and crafts here on the Cape? Like, what do you have against arts and crafts?”

When I get these questions, I’m tempted to explain, that occasionally, when not working the overnights, once every blue moon, I feel the self-centered need to take a few moments to, you know, relax, eat, sleep – “selfish stuff.” Because, in short, and probably because I was a single dad who had the pleasure of visiting our “family courts,” on and off, for a nice, neat, tortuous span of 14 years, I learned long ago, it’s best to never explain… just shut up and keep working… pretend to know nothing… go with the flow… it’s all about “quality time” after all, etc.

And back to the subject, the sad truth is, it’s never quiet in Hyannis, or even “greater Hyannis,” for that matter. So, it’s work, work, work for anyone even moderately crazy enough to even try to cover what really goes on here.

In my opinion (and don’t flip out on me for saying this, just yet) – per capita – Hyannis is one of the craziest places I’ve ever lived on this wild planet… and I’ve lived in a couple of the largest cities in the world, in Thailand and Mexico. Bangkok and Guadalajara were always busy with around-the-clock craziness, crime, constant gunfire, explosions, you name it – and one expects that level of constant pandemonium in a city with millions of inhabitants.

But Hyannis has nowhere near a million inhabitants… not even close! I recently read online somewhere (pretty much while writing this article), that the entire Cape population is only just over 200,000, year-round.

And did I say, I think Hyannis is currently one of the craziest, most mismanaged, disorganized places “PER CAPITA,” in my opinion? Because I just want to clarify that when I say “per capita,” I mean the average experience per person. And that this entire statement is based solely on my own daily observations, in comparison to my own personal lifetime of tumultuous experiences. Or, in other words, the aforementioned statement about my declining hometown is purely anecdotal on my part.

I’m really trying here. I mean, I want to believe in Patti Page and all that “If you’re fond of sand dunes” stuff, I really do! But for some odd reason, my brain is no longer making the necessary leap of faith. And I fear I’m now damned for eternity. I’ve used the “if you’re fond of sand dunes” line in vain. It’s blasphemy!

I try, but cannot see it any longer! Maybe I’m not drinking as much as I should, I’ve lost all faith in the Cape Cod dream! and I need to smarten up!

Please send thoughts and prayers!

…………….

And there’s that dope again…

“Hey man, it must have been a really slow news day because I see you didn’t report anything. Like, what do you have against important stuff, like arts and crafts, man?”

*sigh*

Yeah? You want some slow news, pal? Coming right up, buddy. Here’s a couple of random hours of idyllic Hyannis soundbites for ya? Enjoy…

The following soundbites from the HN FILES are from yesterday during the morning hours, Monday, May, 15, 2023. So, put the following “HN Video” in your pipe and smoke it! And in the meantime, I’m just going to take a couple of hours off, set out on a divine pilgrimage, in search of the hallowed Cape Cod Dream, stiff umbrella drinks, fried clams, and maybe a couple tickets for the ferry. Try to redeem myself…

Afterall, there’s really “nothing to see here, folks!”

[HN VIDEO – PRESS PLAY]