HYANNIS – [HN NOTES] – A couple in their mid-twenties were not happy about a local convenience store being closed to after-hour snack shoppers…
… and when two Barnstable Police Officers observed the male banging on the store’s window, they decided to mosey on over and have a word – and that’s when our two twisted Main Street bar patrons did what drunks do best after a long productive night of “poppin bottles,” they went completely apeshit, like “they didn’t give a [rhymes with puck]!”
The bars had just closed, and given the option to walk away and sleep it off, our pickled Main Street revelers waived whatever sanity they had left within their combined liquorlogged craniums and made the fateful, and ill-advised, 1:30 a.m liquid fueled last stand against the man.
According to sources, the unladylike for-better-or-worse-half of our drunken dynamic duo suddenly hauled off and sucker punched a young patrolman square in face.
Note to unsavvy millennials, cops don’t like that! So, when the two plastered punch drunk fools fought the law – guess what? – the law won!
HN arrived to witness officers winning (see the following HN Video), stuffing an out of control crazed hellcat into the backseat of one of their prowl cars. The male had already been “HR cuff-n-stuffed” for being an idiot and jumping in when cops were busy teaching Mrs. Drunkypants [not her real name] that punching a cop means a one-way ticket to the slammer, “do not pass go, do not collect 200 bitcoins…”
The moral to the story: Mr. and Mrs. Drunkypants [not their real names] spent the duration of date night cooling off inside the BPD drunk tank, both looking at the following charges:
Disorderly Conduct, Assault & Battery on a Police Officer, and Common Douchebaggery in the Nighttime…
As for the young rookie patrol officer, he was checked out by doctors at CCH as a precaution… and is currently back at the station working on some of the advanced ducking tactics they taught him at the academy…
… jk… I’m told he’s fine! Thank Goodness! 😉
P.S. – Today’s Hytown Vignette music is by the Mamas & The Papas… [CRANK IT! USE HEADPHONES! SMOKE FLAVORED CIGARETTES IF YA GOT ‘EM!]