Mysterious men-in-black-vehicles parking illegally…
Hyannis – This has been going on for some time now…
It seems every time I drive down Main Street, I see some illegally parked black Prius, the ones with “official” blue plates and Town of Barnstable seal on the door.
It’s usually the busiest part of the day when convenient Main Street parking spaces are scarce. Which is probably why these mysterious men-in-black-vehicles chose to park illegally in the first place, either by ‘double parking’ or leaving vehicles unattended in no parking zones or illegal spaces.
To their credit they usually use the faint yellow hazard flashers.
When I stumbled upon the above illegally parked town vehicle I realized several things. Number one: the vehicle definitely was not in a legal space. Number two: the drivers of these vehicles typically park illegally when there are no nearby spaces available. Three: other motorists have difficulty maneuvering safely around these illegal obstructions.
This isn’t a figment of my imagination and I have compiled photographic proof.
Excerpt from the men-in-black-vehicles file:
The vehicle in the above photo had the town seal with lettering which read “Regulatory Services Parking Compliance.” The faint impotent Prius hazard flashers were eerily activated like the barely discernible glow of some distant extraterrestrial intergalactic space vehicle surreptitiously occupying the cloudy night sky. Vehicles exiting the town parking area from behind the JFK Museum were having difficulty safely turning onto Main Street because of the obstructed view. Was this a mirage, extraterrestrial trickery, or was it just simply some stupid black Prius blocking their view of oncoming traffic?
Curious as to whether these vehicles have the authority to park illegally, I decided to take some photos. Not long after getting my camera out, two people returned, got in, and drove off.
I’m assuming these mysterious beings were humanoid town employees, but couldn’t be entirely sure.
I had questions and eagerly tried to do a quick “man on the street interview,” but the black Prius was gone before I could react. It all happened so incredibly quick! Did I just witness the mystifying teleportation of the mysterious men-in-black-vehicles?
Who were these people?
I had unanswered questions and a real conundrum; the mind-blowing question of the existence of town agents driving suspicious black vehicles… secretly endowed with special authority under the official all-powerful Town of Barnstable seal, allowing them to park wherever they pleased… yet you and I have to hoof-it from some obscure distant space on the outskirts of nowhere, while these mysterious humanoids apparently possess special privileges?
Who are these people?
One question unleashed more questions. Puzzling, baffling, dangerously enigmatical questions…
Did I suddenly discover some vast government conspiracy on par with the military’s cover-up of aliens being stored in heavily guarded desert warehouses?
Or was this just another example of entitled government employees doing whatever they pleased?
It’s mind boggling and still too early to tell.
After all, I’m just your typical humble private sector citizen. I have no special authority or secret town-endowed powers. When left with faraway parking, I have to use my feet like every other schleprock.
Concerned, I did some research and uncovered the Town of Barnstable “Regulatory Services” phone number.
I was a bit leery calling the mysterious men-in-black-vehicles for the first time. Nervously, I dialed the number.
After being bounced around in a game of bureaucratic pinball, I finally spoke with a seemingly very friendly secretary named Tracy. I was making progress and learned she worked for the ‘Head Regulatory Honcho’ who goes by the name of Richard Scali. But was this his real name, or was it a men-in-black-vehicles cover?
I wanted to ask “Mr. Scali” if his agents possessed secret town-endowed authority and powers… more specifically, if they possessed authority to park illegally in their black non-emergency Priuses?
After several attempts, I have yet to reach and speak to “Mr. Scali,” if that’s his real identity….
Do they exist?
Some people may doubt the existence of the mysterious men-in-black-vehicles.
While others believe, having had, or wanting to have their very own MIBVs sighting.
Here are some things to look for to be sure you’re actually having a men-in-black-vehicles encounter:
1. You will noticed these vehicles have “official” blue Massachusetts license plates.
2. These vehicles are always black, shiny, expensive, and brand-spanking new, unlike the vehicles driven by the dreaded private sector.
3. Men-in-black-vehicles profess to be concerned about the unproven science/religion of “global warming,” so they usually drive black pricey “environmentally friendly” Toyota Prius hybrids to compensate for the rest of us causing the planet to have “a fever.”
4. Men-in-black-vehicles [MIBVs] usually have a “do you know who I am?” look on their face.
5. MIBVs are generally well fed.
6. Upon closer inspection, MIBVs will have excellent dental work.
7. MIBVs will usually be illegally parked.
Other unanswered MIBVs questions:
1. If MIBVs do, indeed, have special illegal parking powers, why aren’t their vehicles more clearly marked with official lettering which can be clearly recognized.
2. Why aren’t their Priuses also equipped with brighter traffic safety lights and flashers?
3. Do MIBVs possess top-secret teleportation powers? And if so, when will the town officially declassify and disclose this information?
Hyannis News will provide updates to this downtown phenomenon as they become available.
9/13/2013
Robert Bastille, HyannisNews.com
rjbastille@yahoo.com
P.S. Tonight’s HyTown vignette is brought to you by The 5th Dimension. [press play]
