HYANNIS – [HN NOTES] – Barnstable Police arrested some clown late last evening at Veteran’s Beach in Hyannis after a woman called reporting a clown had just struck the hood of her car with a bat.
A HN camera was rolling right as officers captured a clown fitting the initial clown description put out over the radio (and in what proved to be a shining moment in the history of law enforcement, officers were quickly able to determine their suspect would likely be the clown carrying a bat, easily singled out from all the others). The clown was ordered to his knees while being detained. A woman, obviously upset, wearing a frown, told the clown who scared the [bleep] out of her, “we don’t even know who you are!”
Things went even further downhill for the clown when police learned he had a default warrant for operating a motor vehicle on a suspended license, according to radio transmissions.
And while his daddy (the clown) was being locked up, “Dancer the Dancing Beach Dog” (not his real name) was prancing around in the background, quite happy to be without a collar or leash. Which was a huge problem because daddy’s clown warrant was actually a “default” clown warrant, which meant daddy would likely be spending the remainder of the weekend in the pokey. So, Dancer obviously needed to be captured too, just like dad… just to be on the safe side… and it was then everyone began trying to stuff poor Dancer back into the tiny clown car he arrived in…
… and like everything impossible, like trying to cram hot butter up a wildcat’s arse, for example, nobody was able to come even close to getting the job done.
This was truly a job for a real clown!
Frustrated, with better things to do, and not wanting to spend all night at this particular clown show, cops were ready to make a deal. ‘Hey clown! We’re gonna let you out of your cuffs so you can capture your pooch… but we don’t want any clowning around! Got it?’
The clown agreed, giving officers his solemn vow there would be no funny business. (And if you can’t trust a clown these days, who can you really trust?) So, it was a done deal, and for tonight’s clown who fell from grace with a parking lot full of late night beach patrons, it was a huge chance to redeem himself! But would he take the deal seriously as initially promised?
[FINAL HN NOTE: The clown was eventually hauled in on the warrant and, at the time of this report, officers were still trying to decided on the possibility of tacking on additional charges. And regarding Dancer the Dancing Beach Dog (not his real name), be sure to PRESS PLAY and WATCH the following HN Video to see what happened next!]
* And remember, as always, all clowns are presumed to be innocent until charged and proven guilty of clown crimes in a court of law.
P.S. – Today’s Hytown Vignette music is brought to you by The English Beat… [CLICK IT/CRANK IT!]
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