DRIVER CHARGED CRIMINALLY AFTER SLAMMING INTO PICKUP PARKED IN...

HYANNIS, MASSACHUSETTS – [HN PHOTO NOTES & MULLINGS] – A loud, sharp SLAP suddenly surprised everyone early this morning. A woman had just showed up at a crime scene, walked over and viciously slapped the driver across the face after he allegedly slammed a sedan (possibly her sedan) into a parked pickup truck.

Police quickly stepped in and separated the woman from the driver, and then had her move about 40 to 50 feet away while they continued to investigate. Although they witnessed it, police chose not to arrest the woman. I’m not sure why. It’s on body camera (both theirs and mine). Maybe they felt bad for her. The car which had just been totaled appeared to possibly belong to her. She was obviously upset, crying, holding her hands over her face. I felt bad for her too, but she needs to keep her hands to herself, IMHO. Maybe police just wanted to let things ride for the time being. Or maybe in Massachusetts it’s now okay for a woman to slap a man if he just allegedly did something stupid. And maybe the courts wouldn’t do a damn thing about it either. I don’t know. I’ve never been able to figure out Massachusetts.

To give the officers on scene credit, they did quickly step in to break things up. At that point, it had suddenly become a busy night, with other serious calls that needed to be dealt with. Focusing on the crash and getting that settled first made sense. The driver was also crying. But for some reason I didn’t feel as bad for him as I did for the woman, especially if the motor vehicle charges are true… especially if that was her vehicle. Suddenly feeling old fashioned and a little like John Wayne, I checked my neanderthal self. When I grew up, it was never okay for a man to ever raise a hand to a woman, especially in the old days. But in the old, old days, a woman could haul off and slap her guy if he somehow “deserved it.” (I’m not sure how I feel about that being the case now… “equality and all…”) We were uncivilized shit-kickers then. And it was the Wild West, after all. Men were apes and women were Saints who could do no wrong. We men wore cowboy hats, rode horses home from the saloons, liquored up… hemming, hawing, and hee-hawing at our long-suffering “little ladies,” singing about the American Dream with a mouth full of tobacky.

“If you’re a real man in this country, sooner or later you’re bound to catch a beating,” another ape once told me. “Puts hair on your chest!” And earlier on, I used to look up at my father, yelling like a maniac at everyone about their chores, as he shaved in the mirror before hustling off to work, “Dad, why do you look like an angry gorilla?” And he’d lean over, annoyed that I wasn’t moving fast enough, and say, “You’ll know someday, son. Because you’re the son of an angry gorilla. Now get your ass moving and get ready for school, before I give you a karate chop!” And he meant it. Karate chops were his thing.

So, did the cops do the right thing for letting the loud slap ride? I don’t know. I don’t know much of anything anymore… but I do know about catching beatings… and hair on my chest. I’ve got that going for me, I guess…

… but I digress.

The initial call started shortly after 2:00 a.m., when Barnstable Police patrol officers responded to Suffolk Ave – a thickly settled family neighborhood – for some type of violent car crash. The hot night air was thick and muggy. A number of people showed up on scene, including adults from the address where the banged-up pickup truck had been carefully parked on the side of Suffolk Ave. It was an unlikely place for a violent crash and the truck’s owner was obviously bummed about the entire deal. Prior to being slammed into, it had been a nice Chevy truck. Imagine walking out of your home at 2:00 a.m. to find your pickup truck all messed up for no good reason?

A tow truck driver on scene told me he’s glad he parks his car in his driveway. I interrupted him, basically saying, nowhere is safe these days. They’ll get you in the driveway. Hell, they’ll even slam into your car when it’s parked inside a garage, way off the street. There are a lot of wild crashes into all kinds of unlikely things on Cape Cod. It’s as if people don’t know how to drive safely. Why is that? And why does it seem to be getting worse?

Apart from residents in the area, family and friends of the driver eventually showed up, right around the time when the woman had walked over and freely slapped the driver. Another fella, possibly a friend of the driver, arrived and assisted police with translating in Spanish.

A Yarmouth Police K9 Unit also arrived and began tracking the front seat passenger who had fled the scene right after the crash happened. The windshield was cracked, and police wanted to make sure he wasn’t badly injured. They didn’t find him, at least while I was there.

The driver, a young man, was reportedly going to be summoned on the criminal charge of Negligent Operation of a Motor Vehicle, also for having open beer bottles in the vehicle, and for possibly not being in possession of a valid Massachusetts Driver’s License. He reportedly had a driver’s license, but police were still in the process of making sure it was, in fact, valid.

So it goes…

… and God bless you K.V., wherever you are.

P.S. – Today’s Hytown Vignette is a brought to you by Kid Rock… [CLICK IT/CRANK IT! HEADPHONES ABSOLUTELY OBLIGATORY!]