*** WATCH *** Officers locate possible hit-and-run vehicle...

HYANNIS – [HN NOTES] – A self-professed Satan Slayer declared he’d personally see to it that all the officers who participated in last evening’s hit-and-run investigation will be fired! Officers were investigating an extensively damaged vehicle parked outside a home where the Satan Slayer said he’d been sleeping with “his woman” for hours.

The damage appeared very recent.

As you will see and hear in the following HN Video, around midnight last evening, Barnstable Police Officers responded to an address on Bristol Ave for a hit-and-run crash that had just occurred. When HN arrived on scene, a man was standing outside his home in utter bewilderment, staring at his damaged boat which had just been struck by an inconsiderate driver who had promptly fled the scene. He was obviously bummed out about the entire thing. It had been a pretty nice, well maintained little motorboat. Now, according to its owner, it was badly damaged with broken glass, dents, and who knows what else he’d discover.

‘Is there any semblance of decency left in a world where a man cannot simply park his boat in his yard anymore, without some moron ramming into it and taking off like a frightened little weasel?’ That was just one of the thoughts running through my brain – I can only imagine the perplexing questions running through the boat owner’s head!

The whole scene was/is a damn shame.

As you will hear in the HN Video, moments into the investigation a patrolman discovered a damaged sedan parked just around the corner and less than a block away from the banged-up boat. It fit the description. It was gray. It had significant front end damage. It allegedly matched the plastic parts and broken bits left behind at the crash scene. According to officers on scene, the damage appeared very fresh. They strongly believed they had found their vehicle. Now they had to connect the debris allegedly left behind in its wake. It was like connecting the dots, except it wasn’t a game for these officers who I suppose felt a little relief in the fact nobody was run over and killed.

A member of the Barnstable County Sheriff’s Crime Scene Unit responded to document the scene. He photographed the broken plastic car parts at the scene and along the roadway. He also took snapshots of tire tracks running across the front lawns of at least two properties. The photos will be entered as evidence as the investigation unfolds.

During the investigation into the parked suspect vehicle, a man came out of the house and was adamant he had not been driving the car in question. He also angrily asserted it had been parked there for hours. And he also professed being slayer of Satan, which can be heard in the following video…

As you will see, HN documented parts of the man’s side of the story as he angrily confronted investigating officers.

Of course, nobody is actually saying the Satan Slayer was the actual driver who fled the scene. (The investigation is ongoing…) And he is, after all, a sworn enemy of the Evil One, which carries its share of risks, including all types of demonic car thefts/hit-and-runs while one sleeps with “his woman” after a long hard day of beheading fallen angels.

[HN VIDEO – PRESS PLAY]