With the recent tragic and overwhelmingly sad death of actor Robin Williams, I hope somehow we can start to really raise awareness of just how many people deal with chronic depression and addiction. We have no idea the demons and mental status of anyone. To pass judgment on anyone is wrong…we do it all the time though; it’s part of our human nature. Yes, I understand we can clearly see some people’s addictions because the media follows them in and out of rehab, but we cannot climb into a person’s head and really see the depth of despair and confusion… what probably led to the addiction, depression. We do not live another’s journey, and no one certainly lives ours… we need to stop judging. Period.

Depression can affect an entire family secretly. It’s that hidden illness that people shy away from talking about and are too embarrassed to seek help. We do not choose this illness like we would not choose cancer. Unlike cancer though, most people never get the professional, long term help and suffer in silence. Depression can lead to many other things… addiction can result as a cover up to the internal pain and bring on a multitude of other problems. For some reason it is then we overlook the depression and focus on the addiction — for THAT is something we can recognize as more visible — something we feel free to openly judge. After all we are selfish people… by judging others the focus turns from us to them, (our own flaws can’t be as bad) and although we would never admit it, to watch someone else fail, our lives for a moment may look a bit better.

Shame on us! If we would stop for a moment, I know all of us can think of at least one person who has reached out to us and we missed the cue only to find out later that they were really struggling and needed our help. Maybe just an ear to listen, but we were much too busy. Countless times their lives end, like Williams, in death—suicide—gone.

Oh, then we stop. For a moment. A day. A week. We feel guilty, possibly rally with friends and give money for a charity on their behalf, attend their funeral, speak in disbelief of the tragedy and then within a short time forget the affect it first had when we learned about their death and do nothing else. People that do not understand depression will continue to ask the question, “Why did this happen?” “How??” “How could anyone possibly take their own life???” “Was it REALLY that bad???” YES! The answer is yes!! Depression overtakes a person… you cannot turn off and on depression. A bad day??? How about hundreds/thousands of bad days? This is what depression feels like… day after day, stuck.

Your financial/social status does not prevent a person from depression, there is not enough money in the world to help. Matter of fact, think about how many actors, wealthy, seemingly “happy,” funny people come to the decision of taking their own life. Fortune and fame did not provide them the help… what then? How can we recognize people who NEED us, need help… need our time? TIME, the one thing everyone has the same of each day. We are equal in this one way. Some of us hoard it like it has been rationed differently. We guard it and in doing so we waste the one gift we have to give no matter how rich or how poor we are.

We don’t stop and talk anymore. We do not have real, old fashioned relationships that involve speaking… physically talking… being with another person, in the same place, conversing. That would take too much time. We would have to then share our struggles, invest and stay committed to each other, possibly be accountable to someone. Conversations and sharing ourselves might become rocky or difficult when we identify a true concern for another… but isn’t that truly loving a person unconditionally. We want the best for them, right?? Wouldn’t it be better to be a little embarrassed rather than in a place where we have lost a person we say we care about because we didn’t really love enough to be honest seeing a need and being ready to help??

We have become a society of enablers. I, myself, am guilty of this. I am preaching to the choir right now. We don’t like confrontation… we just want everyone to be comfortable and get along. We cover up and live lives full of lies and deceit just to look like we are okay. We are broken, hurting people. Why must we walk around looking like everything is fine??? Why can it not be okay to tell someone we struggle every day and need help? It’s because asking for help, looks weak. We cannot do it ourselves… we may need assistance. We feel like a failure.

BULLSHIT!!!! I know when someone loves me… they compassionately and lovingly dare to confront me. They ask tough, uncomfortable questions that make me defensive and hurt. I have to look back at them and stop and decide if I would rather continue the lie and not change or see how much I need the help that is being offered to me in front of my face. I have to realize they cared SO much to risk the chance of losing the relationship and venture into helping me fix the hard stuff. I have to admit I CANNOT do everything by myself.

It’s impossible to imagine what Robin Williams was thinking in those last moments. I am sure he must have struggled with demons to make such a tragic choice. How hopeless he must have felt… how utterly alone. To be surrounded by so many people everyday, making them laugh and smile and yet be alone in the end. May this be a wake up call and a starting point to take time each day to not be too busy… too involved in our pettiness to extend ourselves to others. I am ready, are you??

8/18/2014

Kristy’s Korner
by Kristy Spinelli, spinelliscoop@hotmail.com

Kristy is a local writer and Hyannis News contributor. Her views, opinions, and observations will deal with a wide range of topics surrounding our local HyTown culture. Kristy’s views do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of Hyannis News, but in the true spirit of freedom of expression are intended to entertain and create discussion. Feel free to add your own thoughts in the facebook comment section below… or you may also contact Kristy directly at spinelliscoop@hotmail.com.

#RobinWilliams #Depression #MentalHealth #Addiction #Suicide #KristysKorner #KristySpinelli #HyannisNews #CapeCod #Hyannis

Business Card Directory

Add your business card click here